Feels so good to just get lost sometimes

Why is it that we always must have a destination in mind before we set off? Just saying, this is what happens to most of us I believe. Like, we need to know where we're headed, which route to take, what we're gonna do and everything else. And the end of it, I've concluded that it's merely because we just wanna be in control than to be controlled. Yet, sometimes it's really just good to just slow down and smell the roses (like what bangs told me).

Yes, despite it feeling good to lose your way sometimes, but it infuriates people gradually - when desperation and exasperation seep in and you just want a way out. Happens lots of time, certainly. Just like how bumming around during the holidays and waking up not knowing what to do for the day sounded like a good idea before the holidays, and now I'm actually growing to be bored of it. Then again, I should just indulge in this "bumming" season for awhile no? Trust me, it's just so difficult to idle and do nothing sometimes. It eats you up. Guess I really can't be a bummer for good, I'd die.

I'm gonna slap myself in the face by saying this, but then again, it may just be due to the fact that Singapore is so boring and all I need is a getaway. Like for the umpteenth time I'm gonna say this, but yes, pack a light bag and go away. Certainly rejuvenating! But right now, I guess I need a job more than anything else. New sem starts 9th July, that's like a month odd to go. Right now, I need to do something constructive to kill some of the time that I have in hands.

Was watching The Social Network with baby last night and something he said struck me. "His life must be so fun, being in his twenties and having the world at his feet." Computer genius indeed. Doing what you like to do and earning revenue out of it. And we're talking about billions here. Some people just have got that kinda life uh?

Okay, gonna stop my random musing and catch some more of my beauty sleep before I finally wake up and decide on what's in for today. Or at least wait for the car polishing man in the basement to wake me up to pay him and get back the key. And guess what, baby's out in the sea on a boat trip, such good life, I wanna go on a boat trip too! Alright, goodnight for now. xx

Childhood's done, I'm twenty-one!

So, am I the grownup now?

What do you expect after turning 21 exactly? I've got no idea. I am still who I am, still a student, and in fact just done with year one in uni. What else? ... Okay no point saying so much, I'm twenty-one, period. That's halfway to forty-two, omg.

*****

Well, with all the talks about not being very thrilled about turning twenty-one, I actually got very excited when my friends came telling me "see you tmrw" on the day before my birthday. And very regrettably and sadly, I was late on my own birthday, as usual :( else I could have spent a considerably bit more time with my friends. In anyw, everything went well eventually! :D I can't help it but gotta say this, I've achieved my agenda in looking hot and fab on my 21st! Those photos could really mean a lot when I look back in time to come yay!

I'm really thankful for having my childhood besties there, behind the scene and ensuring I had a great party going on. I don't know this is the how many times I've quoted this but am gonna do so anyw, like what khy says, they have "made an effort to work in tandem to ensure (their) princess had good party going on." Awww~ Especially Theresabby, for being there since weeks before my birthday, hearing me whine and complain as to whether or not to hold a party. As she who knows me best about being too much of a perfectionist to need any help for backdrop/guestbook, all I need was labourers, which she gladly complied. Oh, and Percie for staying up and over with me just to cut those fonts. The guys who pasted them up on the wall before my not-so-grand arrival on the day itself. What more can I ask for right? Mad love this bunch!

For everyone who turned up, of course. Especially my 08 classmates whom we were only classmates for a year, but it feels as if we've been through college together. Then again, it's true cos they've always been there. My 09 class? Was almost non-existent, except Debs - she was like the best find in 09, through all the stupid damn dramas in class, of climbing over the school fence, hockey days, crazy partying days, everything. Glad? It's an understatement, couldn't be anymore thankful. And FFFF, of course. These people simple spiced up my college life. Oh, and they certainly still remember those helium balloons back in college that they actually bought me a bunch of them! :D

Oh, and how could I forget Mello?! Amazing how she's way calmer when I was running late, and I'm so happy we stick with each other through these years! Hi bestie!

Also, my uni mates. Though it's only been a year of acquaintance, I think we're more than just acquaintances. Feels so loved when all of you just click "attending" without second thought, except those who already had prior commitments, and since it's Mothers' Day, I understand.

I'm so grateful and thankful that everyone made that effort to just turn up, even if it's just for while. People like Hiroki, Jeremy, Dickson, HiangPeng, Steph, Ria... I hope I dint miss out any?

Guess the guestbook is the best keep for the whole 21st celebration. Of cos, thankful that I've scaled down to only inviting the closest ones. So cheers to the many days ahead~

*****

FINALLY. The best part of turning twenty-one? It was when I received a bouquet of 21 roses from an anonymous with a familiar gift card. Awww~ And when the cake deliveryman turns out to be the anonymous sender of the bouquet. So sweet right? Seeing baby clad in pink delivery my pink pressie cake. I was really really surprised! :O and secretly touched :') Cake-cutting, photo-taking, chit-chatting, that pretty much sums up my birthday.

Again, a heartfelt thanks to each and every of you who made it a really special, blessed, and probably the happiest birthday for me!

Lotsa love,

nics.

Claustraphhobic I can't breathe

Just too much happened this couple of days and I feel so overwhelmed by everything that somehow I just have no idea how to go about dealing with it. And sometimes, crying is really useless - it just makes you feel worse altogether, not helping. I've been waking up with too much of this heavy-hearted and heart-twisted feeling, and honestly it doesn't feel too good, not at all. And it's worse when you go to sleep feeling the exact same way. I wish I have a better grasp of my emotions sometimes. Someone told me "shit happens, and sometimes all at once". I couldn't agree more.

Right now I really have no idea how to get this fixed, or just take it as all's fine because somehow it doesn't feel alright. Feels so miserable every time it happens. I'd wanna talk yet most of the time I just wanna bury my head in your chest and be reassured every thing's fine.

(okay, this was supposed to be posted way back.)

*****

And so, too much happened over the past one week. My bro got admitted cos of pneumothorax again, and I had a really bad day that day I really wanted to break down so bad. SIGH. And the week just got worse when I've got my last paper to study for and everything, not helping. Every morning I wake up feeling lousier than ever. But oh well, guess what?!

EXAMS ARE OVER, GOODBYE YEAR 1!

And now, the thing to look forward this weekend? Was supposed to be my bro's discharge and then my birthday celebrations. But now...my bro's not gonna be discharged till Monday :( However all that it matters that he's all well now! And honestly, I still don't very very thrilled about my birthday. Then again, I only turn 21 once, and this is the last birthday that's ever gonna matter, so yup. Oh, and baby's mom just came and pass me 2 angbaos, why is she so randomly cute? Guess god put certain people in our lives for every reason - they just make your day better and make you realise how blessed you are.

Counting my blessing!

Not feeling too good

The title speaks it all.

When All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

So I'm down with one paper for my finals. I experienced a foreign yet familiar emotion today just before stepping into the Grand Hall, it was overwhelming enough to devour the little head of mine to send me feeling jittery all over. From checking the seat no., to finding the respective column of my seat. Felt like A'level all over. Guess it's about time to get used to the "examination" feeling. Back then it was like, studying so fricking hard for 4 years to sit for O'level, then studying so hard for 2, oh no I mean 3 years to sit for A'level. It's been every half-yearly since last sem? And 4 more sems to go, hopefully by next sem I'd be able to take it easier.

(Can't wait for 8th May, srsly.)

On a totally irrelevant note, I've been harbouring almost a grudge with regards to the recent fiasco about the underage social escort and the shaming of those men who patronised her. I've got so many opinions, arguments and perspectives with regards to this. It being any other typical coffeeshop-talk topic among our own peers, to the headlines that we read every other day about more men involved and whatnot. It's highly controversial regarding who the real victim(victims) is(are). But guess what, just sometimes if we do overlook the law and look close enough into moral values, we'd all have an answer no?

Instead of speculating, I'd really love to just write my personal viewpoint on this issue. Freedom of speech yes? But for now, exams come before anything else.

Oh, and I've ordered my birthday cake yay! :D

Safe & Sound

Just as I was feeling all jittery and restless moments before I slept, I was fast asleep before I could even realise. Everything was flowing through my mind as I closed my eyes to catch some sleep. Exam schedule, especially. But that massive warm tight hug of his just comforts me. So I had like 8 hours odd of undisturbed sleep, plus the weather really helps. Makes it especially cosy to just stay in bed, under the cover and cuddle till it's time to wake. I wonder if he does know just how much I love waking up in his arms and sneak up to him to give him a little peck, and I love it when he'd just return a kiss on my forehead. Makes my morning better, anyday. :)

Okay, I gotta get going. I hope Theresabby is all ready to leave house for town alrdy. Supposed to be mugging day at Starbuck@Liat this afternoon, and we're one hour behind time alrdy and she says to blame the weather. But I'm loving it though it's still drizzling and would prolly be damp and all.

And I wonder if it's got anything to do with stress but I just keep looking at my tresses and have this insane urge to snip it or do something to it. But I'm not supposed to do anything to my hair for like 6 months, at least! On a side note, happiness cos I'm gonna be looking hot and fab on my 21st yay! :D

(Okay, study time. Bye!)

In my own little universe

For the past 2 days I've been waking up in the no-so-pleasant manner, today inclusive. Yesterday I was woken up by a call that delivered the more depressing news, and today? I woke up at 3am-ish due to the mozzie attacks and then eventually waking up cos I felt this immense stress about my upcoming exam. So overwhelming I almost wanted to vomit.

So yesterday... I received a super heart-wrenching news. :'( and when we exchanged that hug, I could feel her sunken heart. She hugged back tighter and then I bit my lower lip so hard to prevent tears from rolling down. It must be really hard on her. But well, I guess such is life. Just...of all people it has to happen to her.

And today... I got attacked by those darn mozzies, so annoying! Then I felt so tired this morning and slept past noon. The reason why I woke up was because I heard this voice telling me I've got no time left and my first paper is on coming Monday. Sheesh, I hate waking up in this manner I swear. It's like starting the day on the wrong note, I don't like. Even baby says I don't look very happy when he came back briefly for lunch. I don't like to look or to be glum. It makes me sleepy and all the more I can't study properly.

(ouch, my right shoulder really hurts.)

And it's the time of the month that I can't even go out for a run and break my stress into sweat and feel better cos I'd end up only feeling worse and uncomfortable. And I can't take a dip into the pool either. See, life's sucha bitch. Or maybe it's just the time of the month, idk.

Oh, they say laughing works a hard-to-reach deep belly muscle called the transverse abdominis, which helps to tone your tummy, fast. Maybe that's the reason why I've been losing abit of my tummy cos I just laugh too much from day-to-day cos he always makes me laughing, intentionally or not. Okay, so I should just stop being glum lest I become fat.

Right now, I should put a halt to my incessant rants and start studying.

They say fengshui is rather important, and looking at the way things are, I'm pretty much convinced. Nothing to do with superstition k.

On a really random note, I really need to settle for a birthday cake. And baby says he's buying me my birthday cake! Awww, how sweet! :) xoxo